"Nothing hurts, poisons, makes you ill, as disappointment does because disappointment is a pain that derives from vanished hope, a defeat that is always born from betrayed trust, from the turn-face of someone or something in which we believed."

The last sentence should say, "from the turn-face of something we were forced to believe and abide by"

When your family says, "it's not true" when it is .

They blamed North Korean leaders for brainwashing citizens.  The people who did the brainwashing forcing (with capital punishment) were blaming North Korea.

When your family beats you as a baby to respect your mom's race and culture - even though you were used as a meal ticket to Visa Sponsor mummy who gave that money away to her idiot Asian relatives to drink and do drugs with.

The baby beating bitch would beat me as a baby, then take off my clothes and make me sit in a closet for 3 hours.

They taught my sister to beat me because she's ashamed of mom's race and culture, then aids the idiot racist who beat and robbed you because of mom's race and culture.

They beat me because they were cowards.

The abusive self righteous ones aided and abetted those who physically attacked me, poisoned me and robbed me. 
Who gives their own kid a foreign name in a racist country, then defend the racism?


The trouble isn't that person, the trouble is the circumstance that forced me to be at the mercy of this.
I was thrown out of the house when I was 19 for having a boyfriend.

It was Easter Sunday, April 3rd, 1994.  I never had a chance.  I pulled myself up, did the right things, made something of myself.  The country, the boomers- I know I didn't let myself down. 
I'm not connected white privileged with a trust fund.   I'm much more than that.  The trouble is that society wants the connected white privileged with a trust/slut fund.  Look at the incentive motive.

I regret existing.  There's nothing for me.  My parents tried to throw me away in a war when I was sick and in a position of need.  I wasn't wanted.  I was just used, then tossed as the fall guy and forced to take the consequences of other people's actions because the blood thirsty backstabbing Asians and self righteous idiots forced me to be the fall guy.  I didn't do anything wrong.  I'm not the criminal.

Nobody was there for me when I was sick.  Nobody even believed me.
Do you even know what lonliness feels like?    I'm better off dead. 

Love isn't guaranteed and people need to keep expectations in a real place. 

"The most important thing that parents can teach their own children is  how to move forward without them."

Which requires self love, which was only evident without them.