I can't say whether or not I love it here, I do not love the way I'm existing here.
I've sent out so many resumes. I've been on so many interviews and came up with nothing. I'm so grateful that my parents were good to help me out but I am sitting in an empty house the day after Thanksgiving realizing how lonely I am in the middle of where I'm supposed to be. It's cold outside and the control freak Korean landlord doesn't like the heat. He imposes his agendas and makes them into everybody else's problem, we pay for his lifestyle and put up with his problems and we get shelter.
On top of his 1003 other houserules (scribed in Hangul) in a house where Korean is primarily spoken and NOBODY speaks to each other. I've lived with these guys for two months now and have only existed to be polite and nothing more. Nobody knows much, they're all just getting by. And I need more.
The landlord is a reservist in the National Guard, Korean, and ugh! Still irritatingly pompous and misogynist. He's fighting agenda ridden ex-wifey for custody of the THREE ill behaved wound up noisy brats and a Korean FOB ex-wifey whom he swears is extorting him for her family (and stiffing her kids on the child support to support her parents who are here...not managing their money. But how is this even my business? Except that I'm putting up with it.)
Who have leverage in the house when the tenants are forbidden according to the rules.
I can afford my own room here and he speaks English so I put up with it.
I'm stuck in a place in my life where I'm still single with no job and fussing with b.s.
I feel unproductive and not only invisible. Things are not peachy king. First of all, for what it costs and the care and effort the Koreans put into this part of town- it's disgusting. The Koreans ARE rude. Responsible but rude. Excuse me if I don't already speak Korean, I never had the opportunity to know it.
Of course I have yet ANOTHER dent in my car from trying to park in Hollywood. Blech Hollywood. I've been through the gay scene. Sometimes it's really nice but in my humble opinion boring unless you have friends there. Or anywhere.
I didn't grow up here.
My roots are not here.
I don't do drugs. As a matter of fact, I HATE Drugs.
I'm not in a clique'. I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself. In a new town.
Everyone I know anywhere is tied down with kids and even when we live in the same towns you really have to coordinate social hour. So I'm supposed to meet people. WITHOUT MONEY.
Only if I can find a decent church or organized event to be a part of. Otherwise...too much.
It's not safe, especially after dark and it gets dark early. I have NEVER in my life felt afraid, being mugged will do that to you. My therapist (yes I have a therapist already) is off this week. And my parents are relaxing. The other part of the family have other things going on. Which is fine, it's better than infighting. ANYTHING is better than infighting.
But the recruiters...everyone. Is flakey, full of b.s.,
And I do NOT want to sit in traffic forever just to have a job.
So much to consider.... the one thing that I absolutely HATE about Los Angeles is the crime mixed in with the over-zealous excessive high cost of living index-ESPECIALLY RENTS AND MORTGAGES!!!
Crime again is merely a case of heightened, unrealistic expectation but carried out in a more physically malicious manner on victims. And the politics here apparently condones this because of the ghettotastic narco-trafficking. That everyone else is adversely affected by.
So of course the Obama Union loving Alinsky-trotting politics is to blame the cops for what little violence the cops nationwide committed in contrast to the power abusing, drugged out, psycho druggies because cops had to shoot at a few VIOLENT black criminals. They are forcing this garbage down our throats.
I'm a minority who suffered discrimination and I haven't inflicted malice, harm or setbacks to others.
Nobody thanked me, nobody even looked at me favorably because I have done so. Yet I suffer because of those @$$holes and whatever is enabling them to pull soooo much $h*t.
The beautiful people are in rehab and unfortunately rehab leaves too much to be desired.
People need to come to terms with themselves and accept the fact that they are beautiful and worthy. Worthy of holding up real standards, worthy of loving and taking care of themselves.
It's not here across the board. Thriving on negativity is not power, I don't care how much money one has.
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