It wasn't worth it

This morning, the 4th of July- my post rhabdomyolysis pain was somehow converted to pressure in my abdomen strong enough to cause sharp pains.  It happened with the sharp increase in desert temperatures this morning.

I was cleaning house in exchange for allowance until just recently when my mom physically attacked me when I told her that my life wasn't worth it.

Why did I put up with so much, so much unnecessary negativity on top of garbage from THEIR government and THEIR stupid ugly country- so I can be sick!   SOMEDAY ALREADY HAPPENED MOM!!! Stupid.  Just because she's too stupid to understand anything her beaten baby accomplished doesn't mean it didn't happen.  STUPID baby beating bitch didn't even know what my major was when I was in school.

This definately isn't what I set myself up for in life. This isn't what I wanted. I didn't want to be unemployed, SICK and at the mercy of these people in the midst of a desert with nothing but uneducated nasty ugly tatted up methheads and no jobs.

My dad takes out his deep hatred for spoiled white women on me.

It was never about me.  It was about his stupid complex.

The misogyny courtesy of the self loathing creeps in the military was not bad enough- try being thrown at them when I was sick with horrible endometrial/pcos pain.  They didn't want to understand.

They blame the victim because it's too hard for their stupid minds to understand.   The lame stream misinformation didn't help.

The ONLY reason why my dad cared about my health AT ALL was because my BMI dropped to 17.
He and the other white STUPID Americans are so bitter if everyone isn't obese with diabetes and heart disease.  It's about his STUPID complex, it was NEVER about me.

I resent every one who pushed me to think that he was a good guy.  He isn't.

They gave me $1600 to move out when i found a "2 month" temp gig that actually lasted 3 days.
When I chose not to sign a lease in Santa Barbara for that assignment, my parents wouldn't let me come home for a few days and I lost a lot of money on that.

So I came back- they didn't give me an allowance yet still demanded that I keep up the chores.

So I kept up the chores.

Then NICELY asked my dad for money.  I was LUCKY to get a little for gas and a phone card since i'm doing job interviews....Instead of just telling me that he didn't have any, he just drug it out in the worst possible horrible way about how this is was all my fault, how I'm wrong, that I'm not trying hard enough---HE LIED.

I don't trust him.

He betrayed me.

My parents had a meal ticket for the visa sponsor parasites- stupid projecting manipulative violent thuggie JERK!!!

Then!  Then he had the NERVE to accuse me of low self esteem!

FUCK YOU DAD!!!  MY SELF ESTEEM IS JUST FINE, THE IDIOTS WHO PUT ME DOWN IN MY TIME OF NEED REALLY NEED A SELF ESTEEM CHECK.

STUPID UGLY HIDEOUS GARBAGE TWEAKER TRASH ENTITLED THIEVING AMERICANS AND THEIR STUPID POLITICAL THEATRE, BULLY TACTICS- INFERIORITY COMPLEX...

JUST BECAUSE I WAS WRONGED DOESN'T MEAN MY SELF ESTEEM IS LACKING, BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU AND MOM - I WAS FORCED TO ACCOMPLISH THINGS FOR MYSELF AND EVERYTHING I EVER HAD WAS DONE BY ME ACCOMPLISHING WHAT I DID.  Stupid twofaced bitch boy of white priveledge.

YOU'RE THE LOSER ASSCLOWN WHO HAS NOT ACCOMPLISHED SHIT!!!!!

Michelle- this lady they deal with for my mom's concessionaire- bad mouthed me to my mom when the garbage ugly stupid fat slut didn't do her own job.

Of course my traitor blood thirsty backstabbing baby beating bitch parents just took her word for it.

So I have no money and the jerks decided THEY were going to pick out my food since, like- you know they're not giving me money to buy my own.  Protein Lunas pushed up my cholesterol and my weight.  I'm stuck dodging high fructose corn syrup and hormone laden garbage in their cupboards.  I just applied for food stamps.  Maybe then I could afford some Pepto without going through that horrible episode.

My parents are the most two faced, violent thug creeps.